If I were to ask myself the following question: “Am I satisfied with myself and the way my life is?” I would be hard-pressed to give an emphatic and resounding “YES”.
I think the main highlight of 2010 has been self-discovery. Walking with Jesus and learning who I am, and who I am NOT. and BEING OKAY WITH IT. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is probably the greatest lesson anyone can ever learn.
Part of this journey includes the discovery who I was made to be, and also the kind of person I want to be. They should be one and the same… but we all know sometimes we need help navigating the middle ground between the two (at least I know I do).
TENSION. The word Tension, the act of holding 2 seeming opposites in Tension. This word has factored in possibly every single thing of significance that has happened this year.
And in this case I am learning to hold in fine tension: 1) being comfortable with who I am and 2) journeying towards the me I want to be, the me I know I am meant to be.
It definitely isn’t easy, especially with regard to becoming who I want to be. Sometimes I look at where I want to be, and then I look at where I am, and what strikes me is the GAP. The HUGE gap. It definitely has to be the gap of Grace. No other way to bridge the two.
Conviction is great but sometimes it’s such a bother. The more areas I feel convicted by God about, the more I know I need to change. And while He is patient and His grace is sufficient, the journey to allow the transformation to take place can be one wrought with tears and mad carpet burns on the knees.
And of course change involves choice. Choices involves consequence. People around us may never fully understand the reasons for our choices, no matter how much you try to explain. Pre-conceived notions are probably the biggest enemy here. But ultimately truth will come to light and all I really need to do is give Him my very best in each moment, the very best way I know how.
And the rambling stops here for now…
